WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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