Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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