First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
