Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
