I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
