im six kinds of drunk right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
