College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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