i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
