I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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