i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
