I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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