And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
