Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
