1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
