He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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