I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
