Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
