I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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