it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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