Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
