great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
