Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
