I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
