so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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