It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
