I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
