dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
