dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
