ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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