woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
