I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
