did you get engaged???
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize