Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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