Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
