For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
