wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
