I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
