and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
