You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am midnight drunk by noon
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
