Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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