having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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