Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
