There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
