I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
