Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
