And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
