Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
