dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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