If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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