Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Four minutes until I can fart!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
