I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
