I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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