She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm like, not good at living.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
