his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
