Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
zippers are such a cool invention
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
