she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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