And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
