he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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