no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
