i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
