butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize