All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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