After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
