The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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