Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
