They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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