who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
