I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
