There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
