I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
