im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
